Guide to Dealing with Intelligent Design Bullshit

So, I recently got sucked into debating evolution with a friend's dad who was not a big fan to say the least. I should have known better. I try to stay away from certain disappointment, but I can't help but defend the lovely theory that has done so much for progressing our understanding of the universe and our place in it. Every time I feel myself being sucked into one of these arguments with someone so set in their ways, my first thought is to keep my mouth shut, but then I ask myself, as I often do in times of uncertainty, what would Dawkins do? I think we all know that dapper British mother fucker wouldn't back down from a good challenge. Needless to say, the argument went on for several hours and absolutely nothing was accomplished. At the root of this debate were many of the same ridiculous misconceptions that so many intelligent design proponents spew like broken records. As the title may suggest, I've decided to throw together a short guide to help deal with those predictable and weak arguments that we will all sadly encounter at some point.

1. The "It's Just a Theory" Argument
Yes, it's called the THEORY of evolution. There's also germ theory, the general and special theory of relativity, probability theory, the universal theory of gravity, cell theory, the wave theory of light, and countless more than I highly doubt any ID proponent has a problem with. I can halfway understand this objection because of the discrepancy between the colloquial usage and the scientific usage of the word, but this is a misconception that can be cleared up rather quickly.

theory (from merriam-webster online): 6 a: a hypothesis assumed for the sake of argument or investigation b: an unproved assumption.

theory (from Biology or any other science textbook): A widely accepted explanation supported by a large body of observations and experiments. A good theory relates facts that appear unrelated; it predicts new facts and suggests new relationships.

2. Where are the Transitional Species?
umm...here

Whale evolution is one of many lines that is particularly well understood.


3. Why isn't There a Perfect Fossil Record?
The conditions necessary to fossilize organic material are somewhat uncommon. The process requires the deceased or living animal to be quickly covered by sediment, tar, ice or other material that can slow or stop the decay process. Some environments are very inhospitable to the formation of fossils. Rainforests, for example, produce very few fossils because organic material rapidly decays on the forest floor. In short, fossilization requires a rare combination of the right place and the right time to occur.

4. Where's all them amoeber-cats at?
Sadly, this is actually an argument that my roommate heard from a kid in his biology class. The idea that there should be some sort of half-and-half mutant animal hybrid is beyond ignorant. I guess it would be pretty cool though.